I wasn’t going to post anything today, but as I sit at my kitchen table and finish up my reading for the day I felt I needed to. Even it’s for no one else but myself.
I came across a section in a book I’m reading that really spoke to me, especially on this day. I’ve heard people say for so long that losing someone made them hold the people they love even closer to their hearts and even though I would pretend to agree, I never felt that way. To be honest, I felt the exact opposite and ended up pushing everyone away. Over the years I have built up walls around myself, protecting my heart from ever feeling that same hurt again, thinking that I could deal with everything on my own.
I know that I can’t be the only person that has felt or is feeling that way, so I know it was the Holy Spirit pushing me to go out of my comfort zone today. Nine years ago today was the worst day of my life and I hate to even see it written on the calendar, but for the first time I can look back and say that I’ve come a long way. God has blessed me with so much and I owe it to Him to let go of the fear I have in my heart. Not everyone is going to leave. Not everyone is going to hurt you. However, some will and I’ve finally learned that’s okay. I know now that keeping everyone at arms length is hurting me even more than anything I could ever go through and I don’t want to be that way anymore. So, I’m challenging myself and anyone else who feels even close to how I do, to be a better friend, daughter, mother, follower of Christ, and whatever other hats you may wear. And when fear creeps in, remind yourself that you can’t control what anyone else is going to do, but as long as you have love in your heart, God will make it worth it in the end. I promise.
And yes, this is a public promise to all my friends and family that I’m going to be better about texting, calling, emailing, morse code, smoke signals and every other form of communication you have used to try to get ahold of me. I love each and every one of you… and I love that you put up with me 🙂
May I ask what book this is from? Thank you so much for sharing.
It’s from the Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller 🙂
I would also like to know the book. I really needed this today! I am so sorry for your loss, but I am so proud of how far you’ve come! You are such a strong woman!
I loves your honesty in this post. My favorite so far. Prayers for you today! And you are helping so many people!
You are very brave to put this out in the public eye. I can’t begin to imagine what it has been like for you to have so much public criticism (and praise for that matter) hurled at you by people who don’t even really know you. I can’t imagine what it has to he like to be conscious of your (and your daughter’s) every move because you never know who may be watching. “Fame” seems like such a double-edged sword. It leads to many potential opportunities, but it also makes you so vulnerable. I applaud you for working so hard to balance your life and to share moments like this. I hope that you find peace and happiness with this knowledge and an open heart.
Love hearing your heart 🙂 thank you for sharing & never stop putting yourself out there, it’s how we reap the greatest rewards. Thanks for being an encouragement to us fellow 20 something Christian girls trying to find our way 🙂
Good for you for opening up! You’re such a brave and strong woman!
Beautifully said. It takes a very strong person to look within themselves, and be so honest. Prayers for you on a tough day. God is good.
I love this, Emily! What an inspiring woman of God. Prayers going out to you 🙂
Beautiful Emily. Was so inspired by this today because I often tend to push others away as well. Thankful for your humbled heart and desperation to be closer to Christ!! Xox
What beautiful advice, thank you for being so honest and open! You have such a sweet spirit. Congratulations on your journey to finding yourself.
I also struggle with communicating so this was a great read today. I accept your challenge to try and be a better sister, daughter and girlfriend. This post also made me think of Brene Brown and her literature about vulnerability. She says to lean in to joy and to not forbide it. Just because things are going great doesn’t mean something catastrophic is about to happen. It’s a hard lesson but one I try to keep in mind.
Emily,
Thank you for your message today! Thank you for allowing us a peek into your life, heart, love and loss over the last few years! As a Youth Pastor’s wife, I thank you also for being an example to our young women, there are so few good ones these days. I hope you truly find love that you deserve, but in the mean time, hold onto the Lord our God for He and He alone can you find your true value and worth! Have a blessed day!
I’m so sorry that today is “that” day on the calendar. Grief is such a process isn’t it? Even when the world has moved on. Wish I could take you out to coffee or some retail therapy.I’m so glad you opened up and shared a very vulnerable thing. That just shows how far you’ve come and how willing you are to move forward. Good for you girl! May you find the good in today.
Best wishes, Erin.
I have felt the same way for so long! I havent spoken to my my dads side of the family since june. I ignore their calls and their messages because subconsciously I am prtecting myself from getting hurt ever again, i am not a hugger anymore because I have built of walls that seperate myself and all of this was because of cold hard loss, I havent been the same since and in most ways I am so much better because of it! I am strong and fierce and successful but the walls keep my heart solid .. So I seriously needed this and I am so thankful to know that their are other women that feel the same way! Xoxo Sterling Wright
Loved this post Emily! You are so inspiring and so sweet. You are definitely amazing 🙂
xo,
http://www.sincerelymissashley.blogspot.ca
I commented on your Instagram post but I, too, am reading that book. I was so thankful when he put the disclaimer in the forward that it was OK for single people to read it too. So many words of wisdom.
This was perfect!!! You’re such an amazing inspiration. Thank you!!
Thank you for this. You are a beautiful soul.
Thank you for sharing. You are so much more than just your beauty.
LOVE this post. Love that you shared your heart and love for God. Praying for you on this day and what it means to you and your family.
Emily – Thank you so much for this amazing post. I really needed this. I lost my grandmother 8 years ago today. I woke up with such a heavy heart today – 10/24 has always been a hard day for me. My Gram pretty much raised me right into my twenties and I loved her more than anyone and anything. What you wrote about building walls really hit home, I’ve been building walls with layers and layers…I’ve have had such fear other loved ones would be taken away or leave, so reading “I can’t control what anyone else is going to do, but knowing that there is love in my heart, God will make it worth it in the end” that really opened my eyes to the way I handle things and how I need to change some things. Your post really helped me realize so many things. I already feel better :). Thank you again for your sharing as this is exactly what I needed today :0)
Beautiful confessional…..difficult to say but even more difficult to do! May God lead and bless you this day and everyday to come. With sincerest appreciation, Sandra..
This was so sweet Emily. I can relate exactly to how you feel about losing a loved one making you put up walls. I do this too and while it’s hard to think of ourselves this way, it’s also so great that we’ve identified what we do and have the power and ability to change our ways. Praying for you today. God will give you the strength you need, always!
Ps. I love when you post about what books you are reading! I loved “Unglued” and now I’m off to check out this one 🙂
Thank u for sharing. That was beautiful. I am sorry for your lost, but through it all u are a strong woman and an inspiration to many of us. Keep your head up. We love u Emily!
Dear Emily, God placed you exaclty where He wanted you to be today.. even though it was through a tragedy. I’ve learned in my life that He is glorified through all of the tragedies and hardships that I have had to bear. Maybe through your example, you may lead others toward Him? Thanks for posting this today 🙂
Emily,
I had remembered earlier this morning what today means to Ricki and you and had said a prayer for each of you. After reading your post, I found it to be both encouraging and inspiring while at the same time heartbreaking about dealing with devastating grief. When I lost my husband, friends told me that what does not kill us makes us stronger. After almost 23 years, I still believe this.
People say that when God closes one door, he opens another. I truly believe you are beginning to open up your heart to the possibility of marriage and sharing your life with someone who loves you and Ricki. May God bless and be with you each day.
That is a huge thing to realize and God will bless you for the effort to open up and trust more. You are a wonderful person with an incredible heart. God has a perfect plan for your life, even if you can’t see it right now. <3
This is why I love & follow u. You r truly inspirational. God bless u! U r a wonderful person & never forget that. Keep staying true!
Thank you for posting this Emily, I needed to hear these words today.
What a wonderful post… your faith in Him is awesome and inspiring! May I ask, what book you are reading… I would love to try it out!
Gob Bless!
This was a beautiful, honest wonderful post Miss Emily. My thoughts and prayers are with you, little Ricki and your family today. Today is a tough day for my family as well with the one month anniversary of my beloved Grandmother’s passing. I too used to retreat into myself and my little comfort zone, shut people out as well. You hit the nail on the head we think we are protecting ourselves but we are really hurting ourselves and those we love. In the last 2 years I have changed and grown so much for the better as I learned to communicate better, stop stressing and worrying and PRAY, put my Faith to use. You are an amazing young woman of honesty and strength, like I’ve said before one of the few celebs I look to as an example. 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind”. I always keep you and your family in my prayers though I don’t know you personally I connect with you and am inspired by you. May God continue to bless you, Ricki and your family. PEACE+LOVE+PRAYER (:
This was a wonderful, timely post Miss Emily. My thoughts and prayers are with you, little Ricki and your family today. Today is a tough day for my family as well with the one month anniversary of my beloved Grandmother’s passing. I used to be the same way, shutting people out retreating into my safe little comfort zone, thinking I was protecting myself but I was really hurting myself and those I love. In the last 2 years I have changed and grown so much for the better. Though still naturally and introvert and private I communicate much better and do not live in fear of being hurt anymore. Though I don’t know you personally as I’ve said before you are one of the few famous people I admire, am inspired by and look up to in a lot of ways. You are an amazing young woman, mother business woman in Christ. 2 Timothy 1:7 God has not given us a spirit of fear… but of love power and a sound mind. May God continue to bless you, Ricki and you family. PEACE+LOVE (:
Beautiful, timely post Miss Emily. My thoughts and prayers with you, little Ricki and your family. I used to shut people out too, but in the past 2 years I have grown and changed so much God has opened my eyes to help me be a better person and communicator. You are truly an inspiration to me and so many others. 2 Timothy 1:7. May God continue to bless you and your family. PEACE+LOVE (:
Thinking and praying for you today, Emily. You are the strongest, most beautiful person inside and out. I wish I could have half the strength you have for the tiny battles I feel like I am fighting which are absolutely nothing compared to what you have endured. Thank you for being an inspiration!
Emily, this is a video of Shane and Shane featuring john piper speaking on suffering. It is so wonderful and a blessing in my life! I share it with people all the time because it shows Gods comfort in an amazing way. The song was written right after one of the Shanes lost his father. I hope you watch it and I hope it blesses you!
http://m.godtube.com/watch/?v=WWGZYPNX
emily-
i never usually comment on posts – i’m a total lurker – but i had to comment today and say thank you so much for this post. i really needed to hear this today. i (somewhat recently) moved to Charlotte, and for all the reasons you listed above have avoided stepping out there and making those connections, for total fear of getting hurt again. these words really spoke to my heart today, and i just wanted to say thank you.
– e
Emily – you have the sweetest and purest heart. Thanks for being honest about your struggles and for encouraging others to love unconditionally.
God has not forgotten you. You are His treasure – His most beloved child. He holds you safely in the palms of His hands. He has good plans for you and Ricki. He is constantly with you and He will always take extra good care of you.
Have a blessed day and always remember that you are loved and appreciated just because of who you are. Thanks for making our world more awesome – you rock!!!
thanks for sharing this. It’s a great post. I hope you’ve had a good day despite the memory you have from this particular day. Keep God first in your life. He’s the only one that can give you a true peace you need.
Matthew 6:33
Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Before I met my husband, I was so lonely. I got depressed and didn’t enjoy anything like I used to. All I wanted was a good Christian guy. I prayed and prayed. Sometimes it even seemed like God wasn’t even listening. After a couple years or so of dating a horrible guy, I was soooo thankful when I finally did meet my husband that I had prayed for. In saying all this, I waited on God. I prayed all the time telling Him the kind of husband I wanted and after a few years…God sent him to me. My mom encouraged me to go out. I remember she would tell me….”your never gonna find him sitting here.” I always told her that God would bring him to me and He did just that. I never once lowered my standards and I always trusted God that he would bless me with the man of my dreams.
I want the same for you and your daughter and anyone else out there. I hope you keep God first in your life, stay strong, keep the faith and trust God. Everything is not always in our timing and thank God it’s not. God knows best. 😉
I hope you didn’t mind me sharing all this. Keep your chin up girl and like my dad always told me, “there’s a better day a’coming.” 🙂 🙂
Stacey
Theyarbroughsblog.blogspot.com
You are truly a remarkable person and someone that I greatly respect. I came to know you when everyone was so impressed by the sparkles and the glam, yet I knew that you had such an incredible sole and kind heart. You have achieved and contributed to your daughter’s and families lives more than most I have ever known, and that is an outstanding quality. You might remember what my daughter told you when I saw you last in NYC. I refer to you all the time and how much I truly respect you. There is a bright light shinning on yours and Ricki’s path, and I am so excited to get a glimpse of it. Excited for whats to come and be happy my friend. xox h
PS. Sorry for the triple post, I thought my comments weren’t showing up and kept trying lol.
Thank you for sharing this. It has helped me to repent of my issues that have caused me to keep others at arm length. God Bless you for your obedience to Him to share. It has helped many of us this day! I will not be the same. Thanks again
Thanks for your vulnerability, Emily. I love your fashion and beauty posts, but being raw and real is even more appreciated. This is a short journey we walk, in light of the uncomprehendable glory we’ll experience in His presence. May you adhere to your public promise and know that you’re not alone as a fellow sister in Christ;) Blessings.
Wow this was amazing to read. Thank you for sharing your heart and your love for Christ. Living in a world where we are often deceived into thinking we can satisfy ourselves and we can be our own Gods , it is nice to hear people stand against that. It is inspiring when someone shares their heart and their struggles, and gives them to Christ. 🙂 Keep pressing on and living for the one thing that brings true satisfaction. You are a sweetheart Emily.
Love this so much. You are inspiring to so many people.
This is beautiful, Emily! And so brave of you to share with the world!
Emily-
Many references above to the 2 Timothy 1:7 verse. A good friend summed this up for me a couple of years ago. It stuck with me, so I wrote these these 2 statements on my refrigerator and look at them daily. Fear and love do not coexist. And, all is well. It is a daily reminder that has really helped me to see the Lord’s plan for me. Good luck dear on your challenge!
Alex
Love this! Thank you! Ive often felt im the only one who struggles with this issue of pushing everyone away & allowing fear to win. Here’s to new challenges xo
I cannot wait to read this book. Tim Keller is my favorite pastor! I listen to his podcasts every night while I am trying to wind down for bed. He is so smart and really challenges me to be confident about my faith every day. You should check out his sermons if you havn’t yet- his insight has really helped me grow as a Christian so much! Great post, Emily!
The heartache you have had in your life, has molded you into a beautiful person. God Bless you and your family on this very sad day.
Thank you Emily!
You are such an inspiring role model. I am 17 and I hope to grow up to be the kind of woman of God and mother you are.
God bless xx
I love this, Emily. Thank you for being so transparent and real…I’ve struggled with this in my life also, so thank you for sharing. Praying you’ll find the strength to let love in. “‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”
I love this, Emily. Thank you for being so transparent and real…I’ve struggled with this in my life also, so thank you for sharing. Praying you’ll find the strength to let love in. “‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than not loved at all”
This was so honest and brave of you to post this. Thanks so much for sharing. All the best to you and your beautiful daughter!
Emily you are such a beautiful person inside and out. Thanks for sharing a piece of your heart with us. I will pray for you and your daughter and family. Your such a great role model for all of us women. Its refreshing to have a Christain woman wbo is brave enougb to make a stand in the world for what is right and good. Emily always remember God loves you and your daughter and has a great plan for your life. You deserve it!
Emily,
I love that you don’t pretend to have it all together. You are raw and real, and that’s what touches people’s hearts. You have learned through your pain that The Lord is sovereign, and it’s in those hard times he is there more than ever. People may leave our lives for whatever reasons but God does not. He heals broken hearts and makes beauty from ashes, you are living proof of this. You’ve really handled your celebrity with grace and class and it’s a breath of fresh air in this world of self-promotion. Many prayers for you and your sweet little daughter!
Hi Emily! That was a great post. I lost my brother last year and just found out that my sister is very sick. Life gets so busy that we sometimes forget what really fuels us everyday, out loved ones. I have actually started blocking our time to call and catch up with friends and family. It sounds ridiculous, but it is necessary and it really does enrich your life. Have a blessed day! -Jessica
Emily, thank you for sharing your feelings. Most of us have been through a loss in our lives, my father died seven years ago and there is still so much pain in my life from that loss. I wish you and your family peace and strengh. You are such an inspiration to us!
Love your site-have used many of your beauty recommendations! However, it was this post that has driven me to comment for the first time. I wanted to say that you are in my prayers today. There are many tragedies in life that we have no easy answers for. However, it is comforting to know that God is ALWAYS good, and He is ALWAYS kind. He does not cause bad things to happen, but can redeem all things for our good. I would encourage you to watch Rick Warren’s first sermon preached recently after losing his son to suicide. It is a beautiful explanation of pain/grief and the many why? questions we all have. I pray for you and your daughter, and look forward to rejoicing with you at the good things God has in store for you both. Be blessed!
Emily,
Sanctification is a beautiful thing, and hearing how the Lord is working in you is encouraging 🙂 Thank you for being honest and willing to speak up!
xx
http://thepocketbookblogg.blogspot.com/
You´re definitely not the only one. Thank you for sharing and for giving me a much needed reminder. Xx
Beautifully spoken. You are so inspiring. Love of love. Xo
I can relate to your fears of commitment, love and loss. Living everyday in fear of loss. You are not alone and neither am I. Just remember “you are stronger than you think”
Beautiful message! 🙂
I know the feeling. I am going to challenge myself also 🙂
It is truly amazing to see how God is using you. Looking at your post and then the comments of all the people that have read your posts…makes my heart smile. Keep shining your light in this dark world. We all go through a lot of the same struggles and forget that Jesus is beside us every step of the way.
This is beautiful Emily. You have all shown the world how truly amazing you are. Never change and thank you for inspiring me to be a great person!
xo Mel
Love ya!
Everyone and Emily, I am embarrassed to admit this but I have read and read this and want to make sure I understand what it means. I am a spiritual person, was not raised religious however I feel comfortable around others in the Christian faith. Pardon my ignorance! Does the first part of the paragraph state if you do not want to get hurt then do not give your heart to no one. Be selfish in a sense? Then it explains that if you do lock up your heart you are only damaging it further? This was such a beautiful posting I must read this book. I am also a single mother trying to find my place in this world and a new chapter in my life. Thank you Emily for posting 🙂
seriously that book is one of the best books I have ever read. I feel like if people read that book their whole relationship would go to another level! I know mine did! thanks for sharing.
My aunt lost her perfectly healthy son when he was still a teenager, and she, too, pushed everyone away. I was very heartbroken by it all, but I did the opposite and stayed as close to those that I loved in hopes to bring me out of that sadness. I think it depends on the type of love one has with the person. Surely, a love for a cousin is not the same as the love a mother has for their child. And the love one has for a great friend is not the same love one would have for a man they were IN love with. Your situation was similar to my aunts, and it is completely normal to have pushed everyone away. But I’m glad God has helped you come out of that state, and I’m glad you have your little Ricki to put a smile on your face everyday. 🙂
I just read this post and started crying I too feel the same way as you . I lost my boyfriend October 30 of 2004 -also 9 years ago. I have built up so many walls and continue to self destruct my relationships because I never want to go through that heart break again. This really spoke to me knowing there are people that feel the same, I am working on myself everyday to be different.
Hi Emily
Just browsing your website and I love reading all of your different columns! I particularly love the lifestyle section because I have admired your character since watching you on the Bachelor. You are beautiful yet humble, which the world could use a bit more of. Thank you for sharing your advice, and love of fashion with is!
Marie Fisher
Emily,
I love this post so much. I cant even begin to tell you how much I admire you and the way you’ve grown and loved despite everything you’ve gone through. My mom and I were your number one fan from Brad’s season all the way to the very end with Jef. Now, we couldn’t possibly be happier that you’ve found love and are expecting! I am 16 years old and the oldest of 5 children so I know how awesome it is to have a huge, loving, catholic family! (that Ricki is soon to have!) I wanted to reach out to you because I would love to just hear advice that you would give me on this because I know you’ve had your hand of heart break and I also know that my heart break isn’t anything close to what you have experienced! I go to an all girls catholic high school and was dating this guy who goes to another catholic prep private school that is all guys. We have known each other since like 7th grade.. always hung out with the same group of people and had always been friends. He was my first kiss in 8th grade and has always been special to me.. then summer going into sophomore year we started up again and were pretty much together all year just no title then he made it official and asked me out on valentines day last year. We had the best relationship; never fought once and really just adored and loved each other so much and I know you’re probably thinking oh just a typical high school relationship but it really was real and I know it was really something special. He is the perfect guy. Everyone, and I mean everyone loves him (every single girl for that matter-he could get whoever he wanted haha) He is so sweet, very very hot, and has been committed to Duke for lacrosse since freshman year.. crazy! Anyways, we were great then come summer and we both had overlapping vacations in august-long story short we weren’t able to see each other for about a month. I could tell he was acting a little weird (a lot weird now that I think back) towards the end but I mean how can you tell from just texting. Anyways when we were both finally home he was acting weird and not himself when we would try and make plans.. then one night we had plans to just hangout and watch the redskins game at my house and he completely just never came and texted me later that night saying he was just too tired. It was so heartbreaking, even more so thinking back on how sad and rude that was, because that is soo soo not him. He is honestly the best guy and I still cant ever say anything bad about him. The next night (to make a long story short) he asked if we could talk and called me and broke up with me with little to no explanation at all other than he just “didn’t feel the same way anymore” it was so so beyond heartbreaking for me- I couldn’t even believe it and after I hung up the phone I sat down in my room and just sobbed.. bawled so hard and I think that the worst part was that he just didn’t even try to hang out or see me (after that long time of being apart) before just ending it .. probably because if he did that he wouldn’t have ended it. It was so hard on me.. Every time I was going to a party and knew I would be seeing him I had such hope that he would come up to me and tell me he made a huge mistake and was so sorry and want to go back to being us but I have now learned that you cant expect much because it sets you up for disappointment. Anyways, each time I would see him we would be really friendly but on the inside I was heartbroken and just was hoping one day he would text me randomly saying he missed me or reach out to me. On Halloween at our friends party we talked for the first time pretty much just about random stuff (not the break up) then after that come November and December we were snapchatting everyday and talking and joking around like we always would again… he would say “I miss you” and things like ” I wish I was with you right now” some nights which of course, made me even more hopeful then I already was before. The point of all of this is just that I have been so stuck on him and I cant seem to move on mostly because I don’t want to and in my heart I know and feel like its not over between us and that something great is to come- but I am still so hurt whenever I hear of him with another girl or getting with another girl..even if I know it means nothing and hes just a guy being a guy. I just was hoping to get your advice about either moving on or things turning out in the end.. sorry this was such a long message but